Joke

[Anita]

Raffle Mule

The old farmer's mule had finally died of old age just before spring planting, so the farmer made a trip to town to buy another mule.

His $125 didn't buy much, but he was satisfied with his purchase and he made arrangements to return the next day with a horse trailer to pick up the mule and the dealer agreed to keep it overnight for him.

Early the next day, the old man returned. "Jim," said the mule dealer, "that old mule died last night. I'm real sorry to have to tell you this. I know you were counting on it for your spring garden." The dealer offered Jim his money back, but Jim said a bargain was a bargain, loaded the mule on his truck and left.

A couple of months later the mule dealer happened to drive by Jim's place and was astonished to see Jim working his garden on a *NEW* $4,000 garden tractor. Honking his horn, he called Jim over and asked him how in the world he had managed to buy a tractor when not to long ago all he had was the $125 that he'd spent on the mule that died.

"Well", Jim explains, "After leaving with the mule, I had this idea. So I stopped off at the local print shop and had 2,000 $2 raffle tickets printed up. Grand prize: Gardening Equipment. I sold all the raffle tickets to people around town."

"Yeah, but where did you get the gardening equipment?"

"From you."

"No, I mean the equipment you had as the raffle prize."

"I got it from you."

"Jim, all you got from me was a dead mule."

"I know, that's what I raffled off."

"My Goodness, Jim! You raffled off a dead mule?! I'll bet that really made a lot of people mad when they found out about it."

"Naw, not really, the only one really ticked off was the winner, and I gave him his money back."
[I]

[Anita]

Ein Pferd zum anderen: “Warum hüpfst du denn so im Stall herum?� Darauf sagt das andere: “Ich habe gerade meine Medizin bekommen aber der Stalljunge hat vergessen, die Flasche zu schütteln.�



"Ich habe heute gleich vier Hufeisen gefunden", erzählt Fridolin
stolz daheim, "weißt du, was das heißt, Mutti?" - "Sicher, mein
Junge - irgendwo da draußen läuft jetzt ein Pferd barfuß rum!"

[Editiert durch Anita ein Samstag, Januar 21, 2006 @ 20:25]

[Anita]

Fritz beim Pferdehändler:
„Ich hätte gerne ein schönes Muli für meine Frau.“
Der vorsichtige Händler:
„Bedaure, ich mache keine Tauschgeschäfte

[Anita]

Deep in the Tennessee hills, a farmer's mule kicked his mother-in-law to death. An enormous crowd of men turned out for the funeral. The minister, examining the crowd outside the church, commented to a farmer friend, "This old lady must have been mighty popular. Just look how many people left their work to come to her funeral."

"They're not here for the funeral," snickered the friend. "They're here to buy the mule."

[Anita]

Bundeskanzler Schröder begegnet einem Maultier.
Fragt das Maultier: Wer bist du denn?
Sagt Schröder: Ich bin ein Bundeskanzler.
Sagt das Maultier: Dann bin ich ein Rennpferd!

[miraculix]

gröööhl!!!

Naja, jetzt kann ich mir in etwa vorstellen, wo du all diese Witze auftreibst... Deine Mulibibliothek ist sicher bald grösser als das Archiv der igm!

lg

[Anita]

@ Miraculix

Ja, meine Bibliothek ist schon nicht schlecht, aber die ist absolut seriös.
Nee, ich stöbere gerne auch im Internet in den Zeitungen rum, gibt zum teil recht interessante Artikel, oder eben auch die neuesten Witze

War nochmals kurz bei Mano. Er meinte, es sei ein ganz "cooler" Tag gewesen! Hätte ja Heute, eigentlich Arbeiten müssen :nuts:

Gruessli Anita

[Anita]

A Cure for Constipation

A farmer goes to the vet and says, "My mule is constipated." The vet replies, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, insert the other end in the mule's behind, and blow the pill up there." The farmer comes back the next day, and he looks very sick. The vet says, "What happened?" The farmer responds, "The mule blew first."
[B]

[Anita]

Religious Mule

A man answered the ad in the paper of a mule FOR SALE from the monastery. The man was very impressed and purchased the mule. As he was leaving with the mule the monk told the buyer: "This mule is a religious mule, being raised here in the monastery. To get him to trot you just say, 'thank God.' If you wish him to gallop you say, 'thank God, thank God." And for real emergences you say, 'thank God, thank God, thank God.' "Well, thank you very much," said the buyer, as he headed for the gate. "OH! One more thing. To get him to stop you say, 'amen'" Called the monk to the man.
Well the man climbed on the back of the mule, and nudged him to get going. "He Ya!" The mule would not budge. "Giddy-yap!" Still nothing. Finally . . ."Thank God" The mule proceeded to trot on down the road. The man figured he would see how good this mule really was. "Thank God Thank God" That man sure had a tough time staying in the saddle. After he got used to it he decided to see what this mule could do. "Thank God, Thank God, Thank God" That mule flew down the street, faster than anything you have ever seen from an animal.. Up ahead he noticed a wide precipice. With no bridge. He pulled on the reigns in an attempt to get the mule to stop. It did not work. "WOAH!!" He called still not response. "STOP!! HEAL!! AHHHH!" Still no response the mule just kept on going. At the last possible moment he remembers "AMEN!" The mule stops just a breath short of the ravine. The man glances over the mules head looking deep into the gorge. He wipes his brow and says. "Whew! Thank God."

[B]

[Anita]

Big Eared Mule

There were two farmers, neither one had much common sense. They were told by their boss to put the mule in the barn.
When they led the mule over to the barn, they decided that the mule's ears were to long and he would not fit into the barn. So they put their heads together and decided to get a ladder and a saw and saw the overhead of the barn out so the mule could walk right on in the barn.

They began their job and the boss walked over to them and asked them why they were sawing out the top of the barn. When they told him the mule's ears were too long to go into the barn, the boss said:

"Why don't you just get a shovel and dig the dirt out of the ground below, then the mule could walk on in"

The two half smarts looked at each other and said "We told you his "ears" are too long, not his feet !

[B]

[Beate]

Hey Anita,
wie wär's denn mal mit Witzen in deutsch?? Einige hier(einschließlich mir) sind nicht so perfekt im Englischen.
Gruß
Beate

[Anita]

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and was told that there was a fortune in horse racing. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He figured that since he had the donkey he might as well go ahead and enter it in the next race, and to his great surprise the donkey came in second. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS!!!!

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time it won. The papers said: PREACHER'S ASS OUR FRONT!!!!

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any other races. The paper stated: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS!!!!

This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher gave it to a Nun in a nearby convent. Headlines the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!!!!

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she must get rid to the donkey. So she found a farmer who was willing to buy the donkey for $10. The paper said: NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS!!!!

They buried the Bishop the next day



[Editiert durch Anita ein Sonntag, Dezember 11, 2005 @ 18:29]

[Anita]

George W. Bush meets with the Queen of England

He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?

Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround
yourself with intelligent people."

Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really
intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to
answer an intelligence riddle."

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in
here, would you?"

Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, Your Majesty?"

The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father
have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is
it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Back at the White House, Bush asks to speak with vice president Dick
Cheney.

"Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.
It's
not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that
one." Dick Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can
give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and
recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.

Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and
father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is
it?"

Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"

Cheney goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Bush.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's
Colin Powell."

Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his
face,
"No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair! "

A week after it in the Vatican

Hier einloggen Hier registrieren

[Anita]

One of the best deals

TWO PIGS

As President Bush gets off the helicopter in front of the White
House, he is carrying a baby pig under each arm.

The Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and
says: "Nice pigs,sir."

The President replies: "These are not pigs, these
are authentic Texan Razorback Hogs. I got one
for Vice-President Cheney, and I got one for Defense Secretary Rumsfeld."

The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and
says,

"Nice trade,sir."



Cheney's Got a Gun

http://www.toonedin.com/cheney.html